Insanity

Officially freaked the f*ck out.

On Friday, October 3rd, I grew a pair and finally uploaded State of Grace to Amazon.  I had to format the document with interactive hyperlinks on the table of contents and do a whole bunch of other stuff I never figured I'd have to do.  

Self publishing seemed easy.

It's is, and it's not.

After upload, Amazon said it was "Under Review" and this process normally lasts 12 hours, but it could be longer...so then, I anxiously google "Standard wait times for self published books to appear on Amazon"...

I started to sweat when I saw one guy on the Kindle Boards had been waiting for almost a week.  Other posters tried to reassure him because it was his first time, but the guy was clearly panicked.  He'd reached out to Amazon and hadn't heard anything in days.

Saturday morning, I wake up and check.

I check again at 10 AM.

I obsessively check at 15 minute intervals in between chores and light reading.

And then I scream a little when it finally says "Published".  

That's it.  My heart is out there for the world to either love or rip into shreds.  I'm not fooling myself.  This isn't a Pulitzer.  I'm not Voltaire or Ayn Rand or even freaking Danielle Steele.  I just love love, I love words, I love telling stories and this has been my dream since I was literally thirteen years old and scribbling out a story on looseleaf paper that was supposed to be saved for school supplies.  

Saturday afternoon, I start on Instagram, Facebook, text messages harassing friends and family to buy.  I *think* I did alright with sales during those first few days.  

But then I did something nuts.  

I put it on a promotion to sell for a big, fat ZERO for five days. 

And again, I'm not kidding myself.  I spent money that I don't know if I will make back.  Editing mostly, stock photos for the cover, software so my novice ass could try to Photoshop said cover.  

But I realize I need to get my name out there and I'm unknown.  Reading my book is taking a risk on me - a risk that I, as a reader, am myself often reluctant to take.  

I can't help but pray that the rest of the world isn't like I was...

So it's the 2nd day where I'm giving away the milk for free in the hopes that it lures an audience who will buy the damned cow, and the sheer number of downloads is stunning.  I have friends plugging me on their FBs and between that and the small amount of social media, it still seems small, so I'm confused as to where and how people are finding it.  

I have a feeling it might go over 2000 today.  Just a feeling.  

But only ONE freaking review--and I'm completely and utterly grateful.  It was a really sweet review.  Four out of Five. 

But I need more.

I guess this as good a time as any to remind myself that it's a journey, not a sprint.

Deep breath.

Still need freaking reviews.  Sigh.